I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with Christian music much less the song "Beautiful Things" by Gungor. It's a simple yet beautiful and haunting song about how God makes beautiful things out of this world and us. Having lived here for many months now, I can see that He is taking Africa and making something beautiful out of it. There are
so many things here that are unattractive. There's dirt everywhere and when you look around, you notice that
nothing here is new. Everything is a recreation of something old and
worn out. Sometimes I seriously wonder how things here don't just fall
down before my eyes. But, something is holding them together. Something keeps the people here going even when everything around seems so hopeless. People work so hard here, but are still only barely able to make a living. I learned the other day that one of the teachers at the school also owns some land where he grows crops to sell to help out the family. Can you imagine being a full-time teacher and also a full-time farmer? I've learned that it is not an uncommon occurrence for people to participate in multiple forms of making money to make ends meet. How can anyone hope to pull themselves out of poverty when even hard work and effort cannot?
But, in the midst of all of this seemingly hopeless situation, I can see some seeds of change. Education is spreading, and even though it's nothing compared to education in the US, I believe that it will get better with time. Parents here realize that education is important for their children and many do what they can in order to send their children to school. Even the students will stop at nothing to further their education. In fact, this very weekend, the students arranged with a teacher to come to school on Saturday to learn more. Many stay after school for tutoring and then they go to other tutors after that. You would think that with so much extra help, their grades would be soaring. But, unfortunately, many can't even make B's (and the lowest B is a 60!!!). I seriously think that this is attributed to a disgusting lack of resources at the schools. Also, and I cannot verify this, but I sometimes question the quality of preparation at the teaching colleges. But, then this may be, again, a result of lack of resources. My hope and belief is that even though current teachers may not have had the best quality training, schools will be able to collect resources to help current students. Then, the next generation of teachers will be better equipped for the job. If that cycle continues to grow, the schools and quality of education will rise to a much better level. But, everything must start somewhere. Nothing is going to be good or perfect or even beautiful the first time around.
In the same way, there are many times when I don't feel good or perfect or beautiful; I feel so unattractive and like I am lacking so much both inside and outside. I feel like I am "too much and yet too little"; too much of the bad things and too little of the good things. I'd rather hide from the world so that no one will see those things. But, I am reminded that God can use that unattractiveness. He can take my failures and shortcomings and turn them into something beautiful, something useful for His kingdom. He can take my frustrations here and back home and turn them into something worth being thankful for.
But, like with the situation here in Africa, nothing starts off beautiful. Everyone and everything must go through many changes and experiences before the true potential is found. Every day God is making us into new people. Every day He leads us down paths to new experiences and new people who change our ways of thinking, even if only sometimes slightly. I pray that you won't stop looking for those chances to grow into something beautiful; something more than you could ever dream that you would become. God is constantly challenging us to stretch our boarders and find our true callings in life. We are called to live above the standards of this world and achieve greatness in the Kingdom of Heaven. That is the only true mission worth working for. Does that mean that everyone should hop on a plane and fly to Africa? No, I don't believe that. God has created us for unique missions and the world is our missionary field. Every action, whether it is considered big or small here on earth, is considered great within the Kingdom of God. So, don't give up and keep fighting and working to find the mission that God has called you to. And remember that even if you don't feel like a good or beautiful person, God is constantly making you new. So, don't ever give up faith!!
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away,
yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." 2 Corinthians 4:16
May the Lord Bless You and Keep You,
~Christine
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Challenges and Amazingness
So, I guess that's it's been a while since I've blogged, but there hasn't been too much happening here. Last weekend was pretty busy, I guess. Friday was busy because I had so many students come for English tutoring and I was working with them while I was working with while I was working with my piano students. I would give one group an assignment while I worked with the other and then I would switch back and forth. It's a bit stressful, but it works well enough and each group gets work accomplished. After that I went to town to get my weekly groceries and arrived back just in time to prepare for my weekly English lesson with some ladies from the church. I've modeled our lessons after the way I learned Spanish in high school. Each time we meet, I have a list of vocabulary prepared and we work with that vocabulary. I believe that building vocabulary is a most important aspect of learning a language in addition to grammar. But, how can you build an understanding of grammar with no vocabulary? So, each week, we learn new vocabulary which we use in a variety of activities. These include work with tenses, work with singular and plural, creating and translating simple sentences, and more. I think it's going alright. It's sometimes hard because my Kiswahili is not so good, though it has improved drastically. I can say quite a few things now and I understand quite a lot. Yes, I make a lot of mistakes, but that's part of learning.
Saturday, I played Ultimate Frisbee and Nathan joined us. He's really good and it was nice that we were able to have another player. Also, it was nice that I was able to have an experience that combined my two groups here, the locals and the other missionaries. It definitely helped me feel more connected to both worlds. That day was also the mother's birthday, so we got to celebrate that evening. I made pizza for her and we all sang happy birthday and had quite a feast. It was nice. Birthdays here are certainly not like American birthdays. Here, if it is your birthday, they say you "become like a baby", which means you aren't supposed to do anything for your birthday, just sit and relax. Back in the US, we put so much energy and stress into planning parties and special activities to celebrate with many people. I think I prefer the simplicity here.
Sunday, Pastor Umba and his wife left for Dar es Salaam because they are flying to America for the UMC annual conference. After the conference, they will have a chance to visit the churches that support them, mostly in Texas and Oklahoma. The trip will take until July, after I have already left to return home. It was definitely a strange experience saying goodbye 2 months before I'm actually going to leave. I definitely felt like my major support here has left me. But, I'm finding now that I'm forced to get out and interact with more people. Not that I didn't interact with others before, but now it's more a matter of necessity because I refuse to simply sit in my room by myself all day. I mean, seriously, that's just depressing. Thus, I believe that God pulling me out of my comfort zone is definitely a good thing.
This week has been just a normal week of teaching, running, and Kiswahili lessons. Volleyball hasn't met for the third week in a row. I'm not really sure what's been up, but I know some people are out of town, at least one person has been sick, and there have been a couple of days where it's been raining so much that we couldn't meet anyways. But, it's all good because I've up-ed my running mileage which has been fantastic! I've noticed that I've gotten a LOT stronger since I've been here. At first I was overcome with the heat, high altitude, and the cross country style running. I mean, I could barely run a mile when I first got here! But, now I've grown accustomed to them all and I've been able to run further without having to stop. It's definitely a nice feeling.
And I know that my new-found strength is limited to just my running. I can tell that I've grown personally and spiritually stronger since I've been here. I mean, I've had to. So often, I've had to deal with tough experiences by myself because, well, I'm the "American" here. It's tough sometimes having to face so many things by myself, but I've grown very comfortable with myself. Not that I was uncomfortable with myself before, I've just been forced to face so many things with, well, myself. And, of course, God is always here, reaching out His hand to me. There have been many times where all I can do is cry out to God "God, I just can't take it anymore!!" But, I am constantly reminded that He has led me here. There is no doubt of that in my mind and that He will not give me more than I can handle. Sometimes, I wish I preformed my duties with more grace and understanding, but I'm glad that I serve a loving and forgiving God and in those times when I'm not at my best, He's still there, encouraging me forward towards His greater purposes. I'm not really sure what my true purpose is here, and honestly, I may never know. But, He knows, and He knows what He is doing here, in the lives of the people here and in my life, and we will all be made better because of it. :D
Yesterday, a new friend, Shantelle, was given the opportunity to come to the school and observe the school and some classes. She has just moved here with another family and they are preparing to go to language school to learn Kiswahili for a year. After completing language school, they will begin their missionary work. She was a teacher in the US for many years before coming and was very interested to see what the schools are like here. It was great to hear her reflections during lunch afterward. We had many of the same impressions, the biggest being the lack of resources here. Seriously, the resources are limited to a chalkboard, chalk and the class set of books for each subject. She mentioned about how back at her school the US, their teachers used to have door decorating competitions and such. That could never be made possible here. In the US, teachers are addicted to worksheets, but here, worksheets have to be made and paid for by teachers who can barely afford to live. In other words, they are non-existent. And then there's the issue of some classes having over 60 students. Can you believe that?? Sixty students!! How can a teacher possibly teach 60 students at the same time effectively?? It's simply overwhelming to think about. But, I have to say that I have gotten used to the system. I've been forced to go from using Smartboards, worksheets, computer slide shows, movies, and sheet music during my student teaching to simply chalk and a chalkboard. But, I've learned quickly to adapt. I've had to. It's like the whole "survival of the fittest" thing. Either learn how to deal with the sudden, drastic change, or crash and burn. I'm glad that I'm part of the former group. ;)
Also, Friday, some of my students came over in the evening to study for their national exams. Before the pastor left, he was working with them a lot to practice for this exam, especially in math in science. Now that he is gone, I have taken up the responsibility for assigning tasks, checking the work, and helping the students develop their understanding. While the students were doing a practice test for English, I pulled up an episode of Bill Nye the Science Guy off of youtube and then well all watched it together. It was great and the students LOVED it!! They thought it was hysterical and I paused it often to make sure that they understood what was happening. It was great, too, because it offered visual aids for concepts that can be very complicated to understand. They can watch experiments being performed that they cannot do themselves because the school does not have the means to provide it. I want to get all of the episodes burned to a disk so that the school can have it to help the students learn science.
Afterwards, the electricity was out and it was really dark because it was late. We ended up in a pillow fight in the living room area by flashlight. It was AMAZING! I haven't laughed that hard in such a long time. Even when the electricity came back on, we continued our fight and even resorted to rock, paper, scissors as a means of "stealing" pillows from each other. Pretty much, I'm still just a big kid and it's awesome! :D
Well, today has been a really nice day. I played Ultimate Frisbee and Nathan joined us again. It was a REALLY good game and the teams were well matched once again. Also, things have been cooling down a lot since it's been raining more which, of course, makes it easier to play. This afternoon I did laundry and then watched a movie. I haven't watched too many movies since I've been here because there always seems to be so much to do, but it was really nice to just sit back, relax, and not have to think for a while.
Well, I hope you all have an excellent and restful weekend!!
"The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made." Psalm 145:8-9
May the Lord Bless You and Keep You,
~Christine
Saturday, I played Ultimate Frisbee and Nathan joined us. He's really good and it was nice that we were able to have another player. Also, it was nice that I was able to have an experience that combined my two groups here, the locals and the other missionaries. It definitely helped me feel more connected to both worlds. That day was also the mother's birthday, so we got to celebrate that evening. I made pizza for her and we all sang happy birthday and had quite a feast. It was nice. Birthdays here are certainly not like American birthdays. Here, if it is your birthday, they say you "become like a baby", which means you aren't supposed to do anything for your birthday, just sit and relax. Back in the US, we put so much energy and stress into planning parties and special activities to celebrate with many people. I think I prefer the simplicity here.
Sunday, Pastor Umba and his wife left for Dar es Salaam because they are flying to America for the UMC annual conference. After the conference, they will have a chance to visit the churches that support them, mostly in Texas and Oklahoma. The trip will take until July, after I have already left to return home. It was definitely a strange experience saying goodbye 2 months before I'm actually going to leave. I definitely felt like my major support here has left me. But, I'm finding now that I'm forced to get out and interact with more people. Not that I didn't interact with others before, but now it's more a matter of necessity because I refuse to simply sit in my room by myself all day. I mean, seriously, that's just depressing. Thus, I believe that God pulling me out of my comfort zone is definitely a good thing.
This week has been just a normal week of teaching, running, and Kiswahili lessons. Volleyball hasn't met for the third week in a row. I'm not really sure what's been up, but I know some people are out of town, at least one person has been sick, and there have been a couple of days where it's been raining so much that we couldn't meet anyways. But, it's all good because I've up-ed my running mileage which has been fantastic! I've noticed that I've gotten a LOT stronger since I've been here. At first I was overcome with the heat, high altitude, and the cross country style running. I mean, I could barely run a mile when I first got here! But, now I've grown accustomed to them all and I've been able to run further without having to stop. It's definitely a nice feeling.
And I know that my new-found strength is limited to just my running. I can tell that I've grown personally and spiritually stronger since I've been here. I mean, I've had to. So often, I've had to deal with tough experiences by myself because, well, I'm the "American" here. It's tough sometimes having to face so many things by myself, but I've grown very comfortable with myself. Not that I was uncomfortable with myself before, I've just been forced to face so many things with, well, myself. And, of course, God is always here, reaching out His hand to me. There have been many times where all I can do is cry out to God "God, I just can't take it anymore!!" But, I am constantly reminded that He has led me here. There is no doubt of that in my mind and that He will not give me more than I can handle. Sometimes, I wish I preformed my duties with more grace and understanding, but I'm glad that I serve a loving and forgiving God and in those times when I'm not at my best, He's still there, encouraging me forward towards His greater purposes. I'm not really sure what my true purpose is here, and honestly, I may never know. But, He knows, and He knows what He is doing here, in the lives of the people here and in my life, and we will all be made better because of it. :D
Yesterday, a new friend, Shantelle, was given the opportunity to come to the school and observe the school and some classes. She has just moved here with another family and they are preparing to go to language school to learn Kiswahili for a year. After completing language school, they will begin their missionary work. She was a teacher in the US for many years before coming and was very interested to see what the schools are like here. It was great to hear her reflections during lunch afterward. We had many of the same impressions, the biggest being the lack of resources here. Seriously, the resources are limited to a chalkboard, chalk and the class set of books for each subject. She mentioned about how back at her school the US, their teachers used to have door decorating competitions and such. That could never be made possible here. In the US, teachers are addicted to worksheets, but here, worksheets have to be made and paid for by teachers who can barely afford to live. In other words, they are non-existent. And then there's the issue of some classes having over 60 students. Can you believe that?? Sixty students!! How can a teacher possibly teach 60 students at the same time effectively?? It's simply overwhelming to think about. But, I have to say that I have gotten used to the system. I've been forced to go from using Smartboards, worksheets, computer slide shows, movies, and sheet music during my student teaching to simply chalk and a chalkboard. But, I've learned quickly to adapt. I've had to. It's like the whole "survival of the fittest" thing. Either learn how to deal with the sudden, drastic change, or crash and burn. I'm glad that I'm part of the former group. ;)
Also, Friday, some of my students came over in the evening to study for their national exams. Before the pastor left, he was working with them a lot to practice for this exam, especially in math in science. Now that he is gone, I have taken up the responsibility for assigning tasks, checking the work, and helping the students develop their understanding. While the students were doing a practice test for English, I pulled up an episode of Bill Nye the Science Guy off of youtube and then well all watched it together. It was great and the students LOVED it!! They thought it was hysterical and I paused it often to make sure that they understood what was happening. It was great, too, because it offered visual aids for concepts that can be very complicated to understand. They can watch experiments being performed that they cannot do themselves because the school does not have the means to provide it. I want to get all of the episodes burned to a disk so that the school can have it to help the students learn science.
Afterwards, the electricity was out and it was really dark because it was late. We ended up in a pillow fight in the living room area by flashlight. It was AMAZING! I haven't laughed that hard in such a long time. Even when the electricity came back on, we continued our fight and even resorted to rock, paper, scissors as a means of "stealing" pillows from each other. Pretty much, I'm still just a big kid and it's awesome! :D
Well, today has been a really nice day. I played Ultimate Frisbee and Nathan joined us again. It was a REALLY good game and the teams were well matched once again. Also, things have been cooling down a lot since it's been raining more which, of course, makes it easier to play. This afternoon I did laundry and then watched a movie. I haven't watched too many movies since I've been here because there always seems to be so much to do, but it was really nice to just sit back, relax, and not have to think for a while.
Well, I hope you all have an excellent and restful weekend!!
"The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made." Psalm 145:8-9
May the Lord Bless You and Keep You,
~Christine
Thursday, April 12, 2012
A Response to the Big Decisions
Well, it's official: I will not be able to defer enrollment to graduate school (because of the University policies) or even a semester (because of my program). Thus, I am sticking to the original plan and returning to the US this June. It makes me incredibly sad to think that my departure from Tanzania is only two months away. It seems like such a long time sometimes, but other times it's just not enough to finish everything I want to do. But, I must ask myself in the next breath: would my job ever be finished? Each year there would be new students eager to learn music and English and I would continue to feel an obligation to help them reach their full potential. Thus, the job is never-ending.
When I left to come here, I had big plans and I wanted so much to make a difference in the lives of the people and the children here. But, oftentimes I wonder if I have done that. Sometimes it is so hard to know if I have had even the slightest impact on anyone. Sometimes I question whether or not it was even worth it to come for such a short period of time. I feel like as soon as I have made connections with people it is nearly time to leave! I can see now how important it is for missionary people to make long term commitments when choosing to enter the field. Don't get me wrong, shorter-term missions are fine, but it takes time to establish yourself in a foreign community and to be viewed as an accepted part of it. It takes time to understand enough of the language in order to communicate with people. And even then, it's shallow things at first such as: "Where are you going?" or "What are you doing?" It's hard to have a deep/meaningful conversation when the two parties have a minimal understanding of the others' language. Even within our own culture it takes time to establish yourself in a new area (of course it's much easier to establish yourself within your own culture. Mostly because there is no language barrier to cross.).
This has been a very eye-opening experience for me and I know that I have changed in many ways. I'm not sure that I'll fully understand that change until I return to my home culture, but I can feel that it is there. I am sure that the way I view life in America and the choices that I make will be greatly impacted by this time. I look back to when I first arrived and I was shocked by how little was here. I can imagine that returning home will have the reverse effect: I will be shocked by how MUCH is there!! I can only imagine how I will feel walking into Wal-Mart (or some other super market) when I return and it seems overwhelming. The "supermarkets" here are TINY!! I'm not even sure that there are any stores in the US that are remotely the size of the shops here that can give you a mental image. Everything in the US is "supersized". But, here "supersized" is simply not an affordable option. People here just don't have the choices that we have in the US, and I'm not just talking about food.
This is something that I've been dwelling on since this past weekend when the subject came up. When I was at Rick and Linn's house, Linn was telling me about a book that she is reading called "The Art of Coming Home". It's for long-term missionaries who are coming home as well as family and friends of those missionaries. There is definitely a culture shock arriving in a new culture, but after living there for an extended period of time, there is a culture shock when returning to the home culture. This book is about the latter of those two culture shocks. I'm very interested to read it because I think that it will be helpful as I am nearing the time when I will transition back to life in the states.
Anyways, back to the topic of choice. Rick and Linn have been spending half of the year in Morogoro and half of the year at their home for the last 4 years (this is their 5th year). She said that one of the hardest things to make peace with is how many choices we have in our culture. Picking out something as simple as cereal or even cheese can become quite the ordeal, especially when you've only had 2-3 options (if that!) for the previous months or even years. Back home we have an ENTIRE isle dedicated just to cereal!! Do we really need so many choices to be happy? It seems that having so many choices would create a burden instead of creating freedom. We're constantly at war with ourselves over what choice will bring us the most benefit. Also, in addition to the supermarkets, we have hundreds of options for food in the form of restaurants ranging in all prices to "fit your budget". Here, most people cannot afford to eat out a restaurants and some cannot even afford to eat everyday. The overall mentality here is "do what is necessary to survive". In the US, the mentality is "how can I get more out of everyone? What do I have to do to climb the ladder of success and be the 'top dog'?" In our western culture, there is so much pressure to succeed in this way that many people experience a variety of negative side effects to health, family, and quality of life in general.
And, then don't even get me started on schools! We have the opportunity to complete school all the way up to secondary school for free because our government provides it. Here, parents have to pay school fees, even in the public schools. In the US, once you graduate high school, you have the choices to go to a trade school, a community college, a small college, a large university, public or private, or even to begin work and not go to college. Here, students are lucky if they get scores high enough that will qualify them for secondary school. Even then, many families cannot afford to send their children because the fees are so high. Most of the time, the children must go one at a time because the parents can only afford to pay the school fees for one child at a time. In addition, most students will never set food inside a university. Here in Tanzania, parents know what education can do for their children and they want to give their children the best opportunities. Unfortunately, the number of students who don't even receive a primary level education is still very high. Though the parents try and get their children into the top schools so that they will have the best chance to get into secondary school, not every student can have those opportunities. The parents see their children as an investment and the hope of most parents is that once their children complete school (and are hopefully able to get a job), they will return to take care of their parents in their old age.
Honestly, neither side seems very healthy to me. But, how do we create a medium between these two worlds? At what point is enough enough? At what point do we say "I need to stop because I have exactly what I need right now."? How do we find contentment in a society that always says "You don't have enough! You need more!" I guess I will have to do a follow up on this entry after I return home because honestly, my head is spinning thinking about all of this!! I'm not even sure if everything that I just wrote will make sense to anyone. And, I know that some will not fully be able to relate to everything I have written for the sole fact that they have not had the opportunity to spend a significant amount of time in a poor culture. That's one of the things that the book I mentioned earlier talks about. One of the most difficult things for returning missionaries is the fact that people back home are unable to relate to the experiences of the missionary. It's not their fault by any means, but long term mission trips certainly has big impacts on people and no one can expect that person to be quite the same as when they left.
Well, I think I must close here so that I can prepare for bed and school tomorrow. I hope that you are having an amazing and blessed week so far. I also hope that you are able to find contentment with everything that God has blessed you with. Remember, even our trials are a blessing because God is using that time to refine us into the people that He has called us to be. Don't give up faith! He is always with you, no matter what is happening in your life!!
"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength" Philippians 4:11-13
May the Lord Bless You and Keep You,
~Christine
When I left to come here, I had big plans and I wanted so much to make a difference in the lives of the people and the children here. But, oftentimes I wonder if I have done that. Sometimes it is so hard to know if I have had even the slightest impact on anyone. Sometimes I question whether or not it was even worth it to come for such a short period of time. I feel like as soon as I have made connections with people it is nearly time to leave! I can see now how important it is for missionary people to make long term commitments when choosing to enter the field. Don't get me wrong, shorter-term missions are fine, but it takes time to establish yourself in a foreign community and to be viewed as an accepted part of it. It takes time to understand enough of the language in order to communicate with people. And even then, it's shallow things at first such as: "Where are you going?" or "What are you doing?" It's hard to have a deep/meaningful conversation when the two parties have a minimal understanding of the others' language. Even within our own culture it takes time to establish yourself in a new area (of course it's much easier to establish yourself within your own culture. Mostly because there is no language barrier to cross.).
This has been a very eye-opening experience for me and I know that I have changed in many ways. I'm not sure that I'll fully understand that change until I return to my home culture, but I can feel that it is there. I am sure that the way I view life in America and the choices that I make will be greatly impacted by this time. I look back to when I first arrived and I was shocked by how little was here. I can imagine that returning home will have the reverse effect: I will be shocked by how MUCH is there!! I can only imagine how I will feel walking into Wal-Mart (or some other super market) when I return and it seems overwhelming. The "supermarkets" here are TINY!! I'm not even sure that there are any stores in the US that are remotely the size of the shops here that can give you a mental image. Everything in the US is "supersized". But, here "supersized" is simply not an affordable option. People here just don't have the choices that we have in the US, and I'm not just talking about food.
This is something that I've been dwelling on since this past weekend when the subject came up. When I was at Rick and Linn's house, Linn was telling me about a book that she is reading called "The Art of Coming Home". It's for long-term missionaries who are coming home as well as family and friends of those missionaries. There is definitely a culture shock arriving in a new culture, but after living there for an extended period of time, there is a culture shock when returning to the home culture. This book is about the latter of those two culture shocks. I'm very interested to read it because I think that it will be helpful as I am nearing the time when I will transition back to life in the states.
Anyways, back to the topic of choice. Rick and Linn have been spending half of the year in Morogoro and half of the year at their home for the last 4 years (this is their 5th year). She said that one of the hardest things to make peace with is how many choices we have in our culture. Picking out something as simple as cereal or even cheese can become quite the ordeal, especially when you've only had 2-3 options (if that!) for the previous months or even years. Back home we have an ENTIRE isle dedicated just to cereal!! Do we really need so many choices to be happy? It seems that having so many choices would create a burden instead of creating freedom. We're constantly at war with ourselves over what choice will bring us the most benefit. Also, in addition to the supermarkets, we have hundreds of options for food in the form of restaurants ranging in all prices to "fit your budget". Here, most people cannot afford to eat out a restaurants and some cannot even afford to eat everyday. The overall mentality here is "do what is necessary to survive". In the US, the mentality is "how can I get more out of everyone? What do I have to do to climb the ladder of success and be the 'top dog'?" In our western culture, there is so much pressure to succeed in this way that many people experience a variety of negative side effects to health, family, and quality of life in general.
And, then don't even get me started on schools! We have the opportunity to complete school all the way up to secondary school for free because our government provides it. Here, parents have to pay school fees, even in the public schools. In the US, once you graduate high school, you have the choices to go to a trade school, a community college, a small college, a large university, public or private, or even to begin work and not go to college. Here, students are lucky if they get scores high enough that will qualify them for secondary school. Even then, many families cannot afford to send their children because the fees are so high. Most of the time, the children must go one at a time because the parents can only afford to pay the school fees for one child at a time. In addition, most students will never set food inside a university. Here in Tanzania, parents know what education can do for their children and they want to give their children the best opportunities. Unfortunately, the number of students who don't even receive a primary level education is still very high. Though the parents try and get their children into the top schools so that they will have the best chance to get into secondary school, not every student can have those opportunities. The parents see their children as an investment and the hope of most parents is that once their children complete school (and are hopefully able to get a job), they will return to take care of their parents in their old age.
Honestly, neither side seems very healthy to me. But, how do we create a medium between these two worlds? At what point is enough enough? At what point do we say "I need to stop because I have exactly what I need right now."? How do we find contentment in a society that always says "You don't have enough! You need more!" I guess I will have to do a follow up on this entry after I return home because honestly, my head is spinning thinking about all of this!! I'm not even sure if everything that I just wrote will make sense to anyone. And, I know that some will not fully be able to relate to everything I have written for the sole fact that they have not had the opportunity to spend a significant amount of time in a poor culture. That's one of the things that the book I mentioned earlier talks about. One of the most difficult things for returning missionaries is the fact that people back home are unable to relate to the experiences of the missionary. It's not their fault by any means, but long term mission trips certainly has big impacts on people and no one can expect that person to be quite the same as when they left.
Well, I think I must close here so that I can prepare for bed and school tomorrow. I hope that you are having an amazing and blessed week so far. I also hope that you are able to find contentment with everything that God has blessed you with. Remember, even our trials are a blessing because God is using that time to refine us into the people that He has called us to be. Don't give up faith! He is always with you, no matter what is happening in your life!!
"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength" Philippians 4:11-13
May the Lord Bless You and Keep You,
~Christine
Monday, April 9, 2012
Easter Adventures
Well, I have had quite the Easter experience here!! I have to say that it really crept up on me this year since I didn't have all of the commercials and holiday candy isles to remind me of the approaching season. However, I find that it is a relief to live without those pressures that American society place upon on to send cards and buy gifts for everyone. Plus, there is always the advantage of not spending exorbitant amounts of money that no one can really afford anyways.
Well, the Easter celebrations for our church began on Thursday evening with a service which I did not end up attending because I had other plans (playing my bi-weekly game of volleyball). However, I did attend the service on Good Friday. It began at noon and we sang for about an hour until Pastor Umba got up to preach his sermon. Then we sang for another thirty minutes or so. By this time it was about 2pm and I was very hungry since it was quite past my lunch time and I was starting to feel the affects of low blood sugar in the heat. Well, as it turned out, the service did not end there! Pastor got up again and began a second sermon (or a continuation of the first. Most likely both). I felt terrible that I could not focus or share in the excitement because I was so hungry and tired and I had to sneak out right after he was done speaking. I wish I had been able to make it through the whole service, but, unfortunately, I just couldn't. I laid down until the family arrived home about 15-20 minutes after me and lunch was served. I ate it a bit to quickly and which ended up making my stomach upset and I ended up laying down for the rest of the afternoon watching Pride and Prejudice until I felt better. Thus was my Friday.
Saturday, I awoke early and immediately began on my laundry which had begun to accumulate. I ate breakfast and did a quick yoga routine before I headed off to SUA where I met some other missionaries for Ultimate Frisbee. We played for a bit over and hour and then one of them dropped me off in town because I had some shopping that I needed to do and I wanted to grab lunch before heading to Rick's and Linn's (they had graciously offered to let me spend the night at the house where they are living so I could attend the Easter Sunrise Service). Well, as it turned out the two options I had set for lunch were closed and the main supermarket that I needed to go to was also closed. I was very frustrated by this as I trekked around town with my heavy backpack and accomplished nothing except purchasing shampoo and conditioner at the other supermarket (which is significantly cheaper for shampoo and conditioner, but more expensive concerning food items). Feeling a bit frustrated with all the closures (probably because it's Easter weekend), I went ahead and called Rick and Linn to see if they could pick me up early, which worked out fine. Back at their house, Linn made tuna sandwiches and we got to have good conversation. Rick and Linn are an older couple from Canada and have been going to the Sunday night prayer service, but this was the first time I really got to chat with them. After lunch, Linn and I began prepping dough to make resurrection buns. These are made from a yeast dough that is wrapped around a marshmallow that has been dipped in butter and then sugar and cinnamon. When you bake them, the marshmallow will melt and the empty interior represents the empty tomb. They turned out great!! Chris and Emily came over for dinner and we had a great time talking and laughing over dinner and then a game of Phase Ten (the dice version). We all decided to go to bed early since we would have to wake up so early for the sunrise service.
Easter morning, I woke up at 10 to 6am to dress and prepare for the service which was held at a house just across the street. It was incredibly scenic as the clouds swirled around the peaks of the mountains. The surrounding area was jungle-like and monkeys played in the trees and on the roves of the houses. The children read the Bible verses and a member of the Pioneer Bible Translators staff, Brad, gave the message. He mostly talked about the origins of the word Easter, and the Easter traditions that we practice in our American culture. He also talked about the importance of making the Easter story culturally relevant as we minister to people in the missionary field. I thought it was very interesting and relevant to our situations here. Also, during the service, I got to sing "The Lord's Prayer" a capella (because I failed to bring any personal solo sheet music with me). It went pretty well, through I'm pretty sure I made up a few notes in a couple spots. But, that's fine to do when you don't have accompaniment and no one knows the difference (hehe!). Immediately following the service, we all had a wonderful Easter breakfast: pancakes, banana muffins, boiled and dyed eggs, various breakfast casseroles, and even home made sushi (from a couple this is from Korea). It was AMAZING!! And, who knew that tuna sushi would be so great for breakfast!! There were a lot more people at the service than usually come to the Sunday night services, so I got to meet a lot of new people including a music teacher who will also be teaching English (but, to adults). He and his wife have just arrived and they are currently in language school to learn Kiswahili before they begin their ministry. I'm finding that most people go to language school here before beginning their work; I wish I had known about it!!! I also met a lady, Christina, from Germany, who is running an orphanage not to far down the road from where I am living in Kihonda!! I was super excited to meet her and I plan to visit the orphanage sometime soon and possibly hold a mini-music class with the children!!
Things took a slight turn when I returned to the house, and I found out that the mother of one of our church members (and the secretary of the school) had passed away and the funeral was to be held that afternoon. Thus, the church service was a bit short and sweet so that people would be able to go. Also, attendance at the church was quite low in spite of it being Easter. From what I have been told, the culture here is similar to American culture in that many people who don't go to church normally will attend church on Easter and Christmas. So, after the service we had an hour to eat and prepare and then it was time to leave for the funeral. I realized much later that I should have changed my clothes (I was still wearing my bright orange Easter dress), but in the rush of things, I wasn't really thinking about what I was wearing. In order to get to the funeral, Mama Nema picked us up in her car along with some other church members. It took us a while to find where it was being held, but we got their about 10/15 minutes before the service began. When we arrived, everyone was eating lunch and I was also handed a plate of food (rice and beans) which I was to eat with my hands. I think this was my first time eating rice and beans in the "Tanzanian style" (and of course people laughed at me). It was a bit stressful for me to be at the funeral, I have to say. I had no idea what to do, where to go, or what was expected of me. I was in the middle of eating my food when people were asking me "Can you go to the house to see Madam Joyce and tell her hi and that you are sorry?" Well, first of all I was eating, and secondly, we were surrounded by houses and I didn't know which one was hers since the funeral crowd seemed to be coming and going from just about every house nearby. It didn't seem like anyone was going to show me where to go and I just sat there looking silly trying to figure out what they meant. Well, I wasn't even half way done with the food when everyone from the church started singing and gathering under a temporary tent that was set up. I was pulled over to where they were, but it seemed like where I was standing was part of the choir and I tried to move, but was told to stay. Soon the casket was brought under the shelter and a few songs were song, a short message was given, and the list of names of people who had donated money to help the family during that time was read. Then, they opened the head of the casket and we all walked by to look upon the woman's face. Then the women of the family came out, crying and wailing and walked by the casket before it was closed again and we began the funeral procession to the place of burial. Again, songs were sung while the women wept nearby and the men lowered the casket and threw dirt on it. Suddenly (or maybe not so suddenly because we could see the clouds in the distance earlier), it began to pour. The service continued while many moved under and tree that was sorely lacking branches for "shelter". I was completely soaked by the time Mama Nema guided myself and some others to her car for shelter. We drove back to the original meeting place and I got a chance to go and and offer my condolences to the family members by saying "pole" and shaking the hand of each. Then it was time to leave and I was thankful because the cultural stress of the experience was getting to me and I needed to have some to wind down from it all. I'm glad I went, but I have to say, it gave a very different mood to my Easter Sunday.
Well, that is all I have time to write for now, so I will wish you all a wonderful rest of your week. I had today (Monday) off and school re-starts tomorrow. This month, I will have to stay after school until 4:30pm because the after-school tutoring this month includes English. Today, I did all the laundry and I scoured my room and bathroom so that I wouldn't have to worry about it until next weekend (since I won't have time to do much during the week now). I think it should be fine though. I've worked it out in my head, so I'm not as stressed about the idea of staying late after school compared to how I was feeling last month (when I was told about the tutoring).
"He is risen!! He is risen indeed!!" Praise the LORD!! :D
May the Lord Bless You and Keep You,
~Christine
Well, the Easter celebrations for our church began on Thursday evening with a service which I did not end up attending because I had other plans (playing my bi-weekly game of volleyball). However, I did attend the service on Good Friday. It began at noon and we sang for about an hour until Pastor Umba got up to preach his sermon. Then we sang for another thirty minutes or so. By this time it was about 2pm and I was very hungry since it was quite past my lunch time and I was starting to feel the affects of low blood sugar in the heat. Well, as it turned out, the service did not end there! Pastor got up again and began a second sermon (or a continuation of the first. Most likely both). I felt terrible that I could not focus or share in the excitement because I was so hungry and tired and I had to sneak out right after he was done speaking. I wish I had been able to make it through the whole service, but, unfortunately, I just couldn't. I laid down until the family arrived home about 15-20 minutes after me and lunch was served. I ate it a bit to quickly and which ended up making my stomach upset and I ended up laying down for the rest of the afternoon watching Pride and Prejudice until I felt better. Thus was my Friday.
Saturday, I awoke early and immediately began on my laundry which had begun to accumulate. I ate breakfast and did a quick yoga routine before I headed off to SUA where I met some other missionaries for Ultimate Frisbee. We played for a bit over and hour and then one of them dropped me off in town because I had some shopping that I needed to do and I wanted to grab lunch before heading to Rick's and Linn's (they had graciously offered to let me spend the night at the house where they are living so I could attend the Easter Sunrise Service). Well, as it turned out the two options I had set for lunch were closed and the main supermarket that I needed to go to was also closed. I was very frustrated by this as I trekked around town with my heavy backpack and accomplished nothing except purchasing shampoo and conditioner at the other supermarket (which is significantly cheaper for shampoo and conditioner, but more expensive concerning food items). Feeling a bit frustrated with all the closures (probably because it's Easter weekend), I went ahead and called Rick and Linn to see if they could pick me up early, which worked out fine. Back at their house, Linn made tuna sandwiches and we got to have good conversation. Rick and Linn are an older couple from Canada and have been going to the Sunday night prayer service, but this was the first time I really got to chat with them. After lunch, Linn and I began prepping dough to make resurrection buns. These are made from a yeast dough that is wrapped around a marshmallow that has been dipped in butter and then sugar and cinnamon. When you bake them, the marshmallow will melt and the empty interior represents the empty tomb. They turned out great!! Chris and Emily came over for dinner and we had a great time talking and laughing over dinner and then a game of Phase Ten (the dice version). We all decided to go to bed early since we would have to wake up so early for the sunrise service.
Easter morning, I woke up at 10 to 6am to dress and prepare for the service which was held at a house just across the street. It was incredibly scenic as the clouds swirled around the peaks of the mountains. The surrounding area was jungle-like and monkeys played in the trees and on the roves of the houses. The children read the Bible verses and a member of the Pioneer Bible Translators staff, Brad, gave the message. He mostly talked about the origins of the word Easter, and the Easter traditions that we practice in our American culture. He also talked about the importance of making the Easter story culturally relevant as we minister to people in the missionary field. I thought it was very interesting and relevant to our situations here. Also, during the service, I got to sing "The Lord's Prayer" a capella (because I failed to bring any personal solo sheet music with me). It went pretty well, through I'm pretty sure I made up a few notes in a couple spots. But, that's fine to do when you don't have accompaniment and no one knows the difference (hehe!). Immediately following the service, we all had a wonderful Easter breakfast: pancakes, banana muffins, boiled and dyed eggs, various breakfast casseroles, and even home made sushi (from a couple this is from Korea). It was AMAZING!! And, who knew that tuna sushi would be so great for breakfast!! There were a lot more people at the service than usually come to the Sunday night services, so I got to meet a lot of new people including a music teacher who will also be teaching English (but, to adults). He and his wife have just arrived and they are currently in language school to learn Kiswahili before they begin their ministry. I'm finding that most people go to language school here before beginning their work; I wish I had known about it!!! I also met a lady, Christina, from Germany, who is running an orphanage not to far down the road from where I am living in Kihonda!! I was super excited to meet her and I plan to visit the orphanage sometime soon and possibly hold a mini-music class with the children!!
Things took a slight turn when I returned to the house, and I found out that the mother of one of our church members (and the secretary of the school) had passed away and the funeral was to be held that afternoon. Thus, the church service was a bit short and sweet so that people would be able to go. Also, attendance at the church was quite low in spite of it being Easter. From what I have been told, the culture here is similar to American culture in that many people who don't go to church normally will attend church on Easter and Christmas. So, after the service we had an hour to eat and prepare and then it was time to leave for the funeral. I realized much later that I should have changed my clothes (I was still wearing my bright orange Easter dress), but in the rush of things, I wasn't really thinking about what I was wearing. In order to get to the funeral, Mama Nema picked us up in her car along with some other church members. It took us a while to find where it was being held, but we got their about 10/15 minutes before the service began. When we arrived, everyone was eating lunch and I was also handed a plate of food (rice and beans) which I was to eat with my hands. I think this was my first time eating rice and beans in the "Tanzanian style" (and of course people laughed at me). It was a bit stressful for me to be at the funeral, I have to say. I had no idea what to do, where to go, or what was expected of me. I was in the middle of eating my food when people were asking me "Can you go to the house to see Madam Joyce and tell her hi and that you are sorry?" Well, first of all I was eating, and secondly, we were surrounded by houses and I didn't know which one was hers since the funeral crowd seemed to be coming and going from just about every house nearby. It didn't seem like anyone was going to show me where to go and I just sat there looking silly trying to figure out what they meant. Well, I wasn't even half way done with the food when everyone from the church started singing and gathering under a temporary tent that was set up. I was pulled over to where they were, but it seemed like where I was standing was part of the choir and I tried to move, but was told to stay. Soon the casket was brought under the shelter and a few songs were song, a short message was given, and the list of names of people who had donated money to help the family during that time was read. Then, they opened the head of the casket and we all walked by to look upon the woman's face. Then the women of the family came out, crying and wailing and walked by the casket before it was closed again and we began the funeral procession to the place of burial. Again, songs were sung while the women wept nearby and the men lowered the casket and threw dirt on it. Suddenly (or maybe not so suddenly because we could see the clouds in the distance earlier), it began to pour. The service continued while many moved under and tree that was sorely lacking branches for "shelter". I was completely soaked by the time Mama Nema guided myself and some others to her car for shelter. We drove back to the original meeting place and I got a chance to go and and offer my condolences to the family members by saying "pole" and shaking the hand of each. Then it was time to leave and I was thankful because the cultural stress of the experience was getting to me and I needed to have some to wind down from it all. I'm glad I went, but I have to say, it gave a very different mood to my Easter Sunday.
Well, that is all I have time to write for now, so I will wish you all a wonderful rest of your week. I had today (Monday) off and school re-starts tomorrow. This month, I will have to stay after school until 4:30pm because the after-school tutoring this month includes English. Today, I did all the laundry and I scoured my room and bathroom so that I wouldn't have to worry about it until next weekend (since I won't have time to do much during the week now). I think it should be fine though. I've worked it out in my head, so I'm not as stressed about the idea of staying late after school compared to how I was feeling last month (when I was told about the tutoring).
"He is risen!! He is risen indeed!!" Praise the LORD!! :D
May the Lord Bless You and Keep You,
~Christine
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Big Decisions
So, when I began this adventure in January, my plan was to remain in Tanzania until June. At that point, I would tour through Europe for a bit and then return home, step right back into my job at Chili's, and I would head off to graduate school. Well, as it turns out, the pretty pictures we make in our minds don't always work out that way. We make a plan and then God comes in and messes it all up. Well, I shouldn't say He messes it up because God doesn't mess things up. Instead, He comes in and He makes our plans even more beautiful. Which means, He changes things. That's His business, changing the hearts and lives of His people and leading them down the narrow path to a full and rich life.
This is where I'm at currently: I have been accepted to one out of the three programs that I applied to, the Speech and Language Pathology program at the University of Utah in Salt Lake City. I am completely thrilled. After being rejected from the other programs (for different reasons), I was especially suffering from a lack of hope; not to mention this was my "wildcard" school that I was applying to "just in case, but I don't expect to get in". Well, ironically, I got into that program and not the others. However, as thrilled as I am, I am also feeling like I would like to remain in Tanzania for a longer time. My preference would be to stay for another year (so, until June of 2013). Thus, I have emailed the program at the University of Utah to see if there is a possibility of deferring enrollment for a year in order to make this happen. I am still waiting to hear, but my prayer (and hopefully yours as well) for me is that God's will will be done.
Either way, I will be content with the result. I would love to stay here for another year, but I would also love to go home, see family and friends, and begin my graduate studies. So, I am asking you to please pray for me during this time: that God's will would be done and that if I do end up staying, I will be able to receive enough funding to continue my ministry.
"But, seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." Matthew 6:33-34
May the Lord Bless You and Keep You,
~Christine
This is where I'm at currently: I have been accepted to one out of the three programs that I applied to, the Speech and Language Pathology program at the University of Utah in Salt Lake City. I am completely thrilled. After being rejected from the other programs (for different reasons), I was especially suffering from a lack of hope; not to mention this was my "wildcard" school that I was applying to "just in case, but I don't expect to get in". Well, ironically, I got into that program and not the others. However, as thrilled as I am, I am also feeling like I would like to remain in Tanzania for a longer time. My preference would be to stay for another year (so, until June of 2013). Thus, I have emailed the program at the University of Utah to see if there is a possibility of deferring enrollment for a year in order to make this happen. I am still waiting to hear, but my prayer (and hopefully yours as well) for me is that God's will will be done.
Either way, I will be content with the result. I would love to stay here for another year, but I would also love to go home, see family and friends, and begin my graduate studies. So, I am asking you to please pray for me during this time: that God's will would be done and that if I do end up staying, I will be able to receive enough funding to continue my ministry.
"But, seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." Matthew 6:33-34
May the Lord Bless You and Keep You,
~Christine
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